Almost

I almost came to the conclusion that maybe dogs aren’t so bad after seeing this adorable post about a boy and his dog. But then I remembered what happened to me two days ago while grocery shopping at Copp’s. I was ready to walk through the automatic doors when my zoophobic senses were in red alert. I turned to my left instantly, and there he was: the biggest golden retriever I’ve ever seen in my life. Yes, they are known to be the kindest dogs in the world, but when a dog of that size makes a b-line for you at full speed, your nerves have to shake a little. And with my terrible track record with canines, I was frozen in fear, eyes wide open, and thinking about all the ways I had lived a good life right before my 26th birthday. No, I didn’t die obviously. But this obnoxious dog kept pouncing on me and then proceeded to “kiss” me–he didn’t even ask me out to dinner first before slobbering all over my face. The owner of this dog was yelling across the parking lot while all of this was going on, and eventually asked if I could grab his leash. Me? Really? Could there be any worse person to fulfill such a request at this moment? Would you give Russell Crowe a record deal after ‘Les Miserables’? No. You wouldn’t. But because of my ENFP compassion and desire to meet others’ needs, I attempted to grab Comet’s leash and fell flat on my face in front of the Redbox customers in line. So close to actually respecting dogs.

I almost wanted to throw my popcorn at somebody a few of weeks ago in the movie theater. I was coming back from the gym and had this huge desire to go see ‘Les Miserables’ after weeks of enduring all its buzz. So I impulsively hopped into my car, got my ticket for one, and felt like I deserved the world’s most expensive hot dog and soda after my workout.

Going to the movies alone definitely has its benefits: you can take your smelly post-workout shoes off, cry all you want because you look like a loner anyway, and eliminate any possibility for direct conversations during the best scenes. Five minutes into the movie, a couple walks in and decides to sit one seat away from, and puts their possessions right next to me. It was a later weeknight showing and the theater was practically empty. Dozens of seats and you have to sit right near me? Don’t you want your space? You came together, so you don’t need my company. The theater is heated, so you don’t need the warmth from my body. I already ate my hot dog, so I can’t share it anyway. GO. AWAY. Not only did they interrupt the movie at the beginning, but the woman had the craziest congestion and kept fighting the mucus oozing from every facial cavity throughout the film. I doubt my tears were solely from “I Dreamed A Dream” and “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables.”

I almost looked like a pervy filmmaker recently. For my work, I had to recreate some funny scenes for a hilarious video that pushed the point: both ‘word’ and ‘deed’ are required to following Jesus, not just half. The video was to be used for our Greek ministry in InterVarsity, and so we of course shot this video at a fraternity house. One of the scenes was to have one of the fraternity members walk in with only half a shirt on, cut down vertically. Theoretically, it was genius. But as the only woman in this fraternity filming with my two male coworkers, I somehow found myself taping a half-naked college frat boy’s chest to the shirt I cut up. I paused for a second and realized what was happening, and did my best to not make it awkward and roll with it. As the filming began, one of his fraternity brothers (who is not involved with InterVarsity), walked in on us, gave us the most confused look, and yelled “What the f***?!” Don’t worry bro, we’re a Christian group. So, it’s cool right? Yikes.

(You can watch the original video my team made here)

I almost gave up beef for Lent, but Copp’s had NY strip steak on sale.

 

 

 

 

It’s almost Valentine’s Day, which means:

 

 

 

 

 

This is Amy Hu signing off for February 13th, 2013.