My Life Is a Sitcom (II)

My life is a sitcom.

Last week, I was meeting up with Miss Jessica Pruett at Westwood Park, one of the few places that nature is found in the area. It’s still a pretty depressing looking spot compared to what we know parks can actually be.

While we were engaging in some deep conversation, an elderly woman, pulling her small rather annoying canine, stopped at our picnic table.

You see, as one who is reading my written thoughts and perhaps will continue to do so in the future, you must understand my dislike, fear, and even hatred for animals. I will simply say that through my experiences, which are many, there has been little affirmation to me that any living creature that is not of the human species is willing to engage with me peacefully. If I was bold enough, I would wear a t-shirt that read “Humans rule!”

With that in mind, I continue.

As this poor elderly woman attempted to pull her dog away from us, the pooch continued to sniff and, basically, be “all up in our business.” My comfort zone was breached and I oh-so-wanted to break free. But my desire to be polite and respectful gets the better of me most of the time, and so I stayed put. It was absolute torture.

As Jessica (one who does not carry an irrational dislike or fear of animals) petted the dog, the elderly woman proceeded to say something while she tugged that made me feel like the cameras were rolling once again. She yelled to her pet:

“Amy! Get over here. Amy! C’mon.”

The little beast’s name was Amy. She named her dog Amy. My name is Amy. I fear and dislike dogs. Amy the dog wouldn’t leave me, Amy the human, alone. FML.

What are the chances? This, my friends, was no coincidence. During moments like these, I know for sure that God has the best sense of humor of all.

This is Amy signing off for August 11th, 2009.