I saw her once. It was a moment so brief, yet so powerful.

Bangkok, Thailand - Night
Pradipat Road, Bangkok, Thailand. July 2014.

I was in Bangkok, waiting to cross the street on Pradipat Road. There she was, riding backseat of a motorcycle. One hand was clutched to her dashing male companion with amazing abs (the details are a bit foggy nowadays), the other held none other than: a chicken wing. As the two passed me, she managed to finish that wing in lightning speed and toss the bone on the street. I gasped in amazement. Who was this woman that I wanted to bow down and give all my respect to? Where did such liberation come from? How could I get on HER LEVEL? That Thai woman gave zero f***s that day because she was living the dream–she had a bag of poultry’s best offerings on her lap, a beautiful man to guide her through the city, and the kind of confidence that made me question everything.

On that day, Thai Chicken Wing Woman became one of my greatest heroes. Inspired by Janelle Monae’s “Q.U.E.E.N.,” a new life mantra was birthed through two hashtags:

eatdemwangzthrowdembonez

Today I pay tribute to the chicken’s ulna, humerus, radius, hinge joint, and all the meaty goodness attached. Yes, I’m turning on the overdramatic meter to max.

Chicken wings represent the respect I have for the living things I eat. This Buzzfeed article expressed one of the most disrespectful acts of this world. If you are guilty of this, I implore you to reconsider eating bone-in, traditional wings. You don’t deserve them.

An entire chicken, usually averaging a few pounds, only has two wings. ONLY. TWO. PRECIOUS. WANGZ (Helpful tip: If you find more than one, I don’t recommend you eat that chicken). So if you want to just take a bite out of the middle and throw the rest of the very things that gave that chicken any hope of flying, then go for a roasted drumstick or fried boob. Five chickens did not need to die so you could play sick games with that 10 piece wings meal. Don’t you even dare think I want you at 50 cent wing night with me.

Eating a chicken wing takes immense care, time, patience, and actual enjoyment. Embrace the cartilage. Detach some bones. Suck some marrow. When you are done, I want to see your plate hold a pile of bones ready to be an exhibit at the history museum:

wings museum

God gave us these glorious cuts of meat ready to be deep fried for 8 minutes. Or baked for 45. Or grilled for 30. Or dipped in lava for three seconds. And then finished in a bath of seasonings, rubs, and sauces to create the glorious CHICKEN WING.

I am a woman in her late twenties with ambitions, dreams, and wide feet. I have visions that one day I will ride on the back of a motorcycle, holding onto the abs of a man I’m attracted to with a lovable personality and deep convictions, eating delicious wings, and throwing the bones to all the stray dogs we pass like a rich and charitable princess.

That’s the dream. Until then, I will #EatDemWangz and proudly #ThrowDemBonez sitting on my couch re-watching episodes of 30 Rock.

wings collage

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Friendship is a strong bond, and one that has lasted for over 20 years requires you to take action for the other person at times.

This is one of those times.

While Melanie and I were catching up on the phone, she informed me of how she wants to get Netflix. But there was a slight problem: her husband Paul didn’t have the same desire.

I both adore and respect Paul greatly. He’s an amazing friend with a good head on his shoulders. I also understand I’m not the one married to them (despite me inviting them into a committed triad). But sometimes, your friends need to understand that there IS NO LIFE WITHOUT NETFLIX. Dramatic? Hardly.

“Ovaries before brovaries.” “Uteruses before duderuses.” Powerful words from Leslie Knope.

So I decided to send Paul an official letter advising him otherwise. I would not stand by silently. I vowed to advocate for the girl that cleaned up my bloody sheets after my stitches got infected (from an appendectomy) and opened up.

2007: The Year of the Post-Appendectomy Explosion. Just innocent sophomores in our college dorm rooms.
2007: The Year of the Post-Appendectomy Explosion. Just innocent sophomores in our college dorm room.

I think I made a valid argument. Read the letter here.

This is Amy Hu signing off for February 2nd, 2015.

I’ve decided to invent a term that saves time in describing something we ask every day: rhangtions. 

Rhangtions, from now on (in my small world at least), will be defined as “rhetorical angry questions.” Angry rhetorical questions sounds better grammatically, but it was a little easier to say rhangtions than angrhetorications. Its main usage will be in hashtag form, where people can commiserate with each other’s terrible life situations and ask why things in this world suck so much.

Still confused on how to use #rhangtions? Let me assist in such a task, and you may, in turn, assist me in spreading it. Imagine with me a few scenarios that I’ve experienced in the past and turned into social media status updates:

“Some douchebag just parked his Porsche across two parking spots. Who the hell do you think you are? Do you have any consideration for other human beings? Are you a f***ing giant that feels discriminated by the size of parking spots and needs to stretch out your 10-foot legs?! #rhangtions”

giphy.com, Oh yes, a whole can.

“Another Asian actor is faking an accent. Is there no such thing as Asians with American accents? Do we need a foreign accent to remind people that the Yellow dude on screen is NOT like the others?! #rhangtions”

Image courtesy of Tumblr, talumin, from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”

“I just ate something spicy and need water stat! But my idiot roommate decided not to refill the Brita pitcher and left only a drop of water. Do you want me to die from coughing out my lungs? Did you forget the Law of Conversation of Matter and forget that water doesn’t just magically appear in the pitcher every time you pour some out?! Do you like the sound of near death?! #rhangtions

Image courtesy of Tumblr, mymcfries – from “Adventure Time”

“To the woman who used the restroom before me and pissed all over the toilet seat: Are you leaving DNA evidence for me to find you and then DESTROY YOU?! #rhangtions”

giphy.com, WWE never gets old

“The one critic on Rotten Tomatoes that gave the “Left Behind” reboot a fresh rating. Did you mistaken it for “National Treasure 3”? WHYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?! #rhangtions

One of my faves from reactiongifs.com, from “APT” (2006)

But be careful my friends, do not abuse this hashtag. This is not meant for you to appear to be a jerk for no good reason. You must be an angry bitch within reason. As much as it sucks that your favorite donut shop ran out of maple bars, you do not get to use this hashtag to question the validity of these hardworking people and ask if the world hates you. Because the answer is yes if you decide to express this. (disclaimer: I’m not perfect and may practice hypocrisy at times)

Just saw someone being the biggest asshole? Oh man, what were some #rhangtions you asked?!

Angry at the injustices in the world? Express it through #rhangtions!

Frustrated at your own mess and just can’t get your life together? Go ahead, #rhangtions that! (I just turned it into a verb there)

Use #rhangtions to express your everyday headaches, big life questions, social commentary, and just how much the world and its living creatures can just suck it. Use it as a form of thoughtful therapy, and just let its cathartic process release you from being, well, pissed off.

This is Amy Hu signing off for October 11, 2014.

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